Is there someone in your life who you suspect of being a narcissist?
Are they deeply troubled, manipulative, self-obsessed, and mentally abusive people.
(Read: 15 Signs Someone is a Narcissist)
Although NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) has to be diagnosed by a healthcare professional, it is not too difficult for most people to do their own research and identify toxic narcissistic behavior in someone.
Have you been lied to, guilt-tripped, and manipulated over and over again?
If you say, “Yes!” to all of these things and you are ready to expose the narcissist or confront them about their behavior, you need to prepare yourself.
Things are about to get much worse.
In fact, the people the narcissist attacks and abuses the worse are those who have figured them out!
Here is what happens when the narcissist knows you’ve figured them out.
1.) They Will Immediately Turn The Situation Around on You
So you have identified some toxic behavior in the narcissist. You have decided to sit down and confront their behavior, in hopes that they will “see their faults” and attempt to change their ways.
You have good intentions and you hope that your relationship will be improved by sitting down and having an open conversation about the effects their toxic behavior has on you and those around you!
But things will not go as planned!
99.9% of the time, this is how confronting a narcissist progresses:
- You verbalize your concerns to the narcissist about their hurtful and damaging behavior.
- The narcissist immediately gets upset and very defensive.
- They start blaming the situation on you by skillfully turning your concerns around on you.
- They will stall the conversation by showering you with insults, blame, and guilt.
- The narcissist will use this opportunity to poke you where it hurts the most! If they know any of your vulnerabilities, they will expose them.
- Your opinion or concerns mean absolutely nothing to them. They do not care about how you feel because your relationship is all about them – not you!
- They will tell you that YOU need to apologize.
- By the end of your conversation, they will have turned the whole situation around on you.
- It is your fault and you need to fix things!
During this conversation, the narcissist will pull out all the stops.
Depending on what type of narcissist they are, they may get very angry or emotional. They may yell, cry, or get up and leave the room.
If you are not 100% prepared for this to happen, you may find yourself very confused and emotionally upset.
By confronting the narcissist, you are now their new target.
2.) They Will Target You With Every Manipulative Tactic They Know
Watch out! Here comes manipulation like you’ve never experienced before!
The narcissist HATES being figured out.
They will “play your emotions” and make you regret the day you ever decided to confront them.
The narcissist launches a campaign against you, known as a “Character Assassination”.
In the end, their goal is to make you so confused and emotionally drained that YOU apologize to them for your behavior!
This way, the narcissist wins and has you back in their life as narcissistic supply.
Here are some of the narcissist’s favorite manipulative tactics:
- Gaslighting: an extremely effective form of mental and emotional abuse used to make someone question their own memory, feelings, and even sanity. Denial and shifting the blame are major parts of this tactic.
- Baiting: deliberately provoking, annoying, and antagonizing someone into reacting negatively. This is often done by poking you where it hurts the most or exposing something personal about you.
- Smear Campaigns: spreading false information and gossip about you to make you look like a horrible person (and them the victim). This is done to discredit you, control other’s perceptions of you, and isolate you from those in your social circle.
- The Silent Treatment: refusing to communicate with you in any way! This is done by sulking, not returning texts or calls, and pretending you don’t exist until you feel deeply isolated, regretful, and ready to give in to their demands.
- Projection: blaming someone else (aka you) for the things they are at fault for! Mental health issues, anger issues, chronic cheating problems, chronic lying issues, etc.
If you are not prepared for this mental and emotional abuse, you will find yourself in a very bad place! You will feel guilty, heartbroken, alone, and deeply hurt.
This is exactly where the narcissist wants you to be!
3.) They Will Start Trying To Suck You Back In
This tactic is known as hoovering!
If the narcissist sees that their manipulation tactics have put you in a state of brokenness, regret, and submission, they will start to wheel you back in!
Why do they try to get you back? Because you are a source of narcissistic supply – the thing that runs their toxic, self-obsessed world.
Here are some of the narcissist’s favorite hoovering tactics:
- Acting Like It Never Happened: …and just like that, things are back to normal! It’s like their toxic and harmful behavior never happened! They are messaging you just like old times or acting “totally normal” around you again. The narcissist is the king/queen at painting a facade of unity and perfection. It never happened!
- Love Bombing: gifts, flattering comments, love notes, flowers, tokens of affection, special treatment, adoring social media posts, etc. This tactic is the perfect way for you to think, “Well, it’s finally over and in the past. They do care about me!
- Issuing a Non-Apology: a completely fake apology with no substance whatsoever. The apology will not be sincere and is done for the soul purpose of “getting you back”, so they can use you as narcissistic supply. Nothing will change in their behavior because the apology is worthless and all about them.
- A Guilt-Tripping Campaign: skillfully crafted pleas or demands to make you feel bad for them or how you treated them. (Read: 33 Things A Narcissist Will Say To Guilt-Trip You)
The narcissist will only try to suck you back in if they think there is a chance that you will give in to their onslaught of manipulation!
If you refuse to back down, the narcissist will react in a completely different way.
4.) They Will Discard You From Their Life
If you refuse to play their game, they will discard you from their life.
The only people a narcissist values are those who they can play with and manipulate – narcissistic supply!
If you are no longer a valid source of supply for them, you are worthless!
Usually, the narcissist will already have alternate sources of narcissistic supply who will feed their never-ending need for attention and adoration.
If possible, they will flaunt these “replacements” in your face to make sure that you know that they are happy without you and that you are very replaceable!
Narcissists have a gift for abandoning and rejecting people in a cruel and callous way. No closure, no explanation, no reason.
5.) They Do Not Want You To Move On And Be Happy
The narcissist is an incredibly insecure, jealous, envious, and deeply resentful person!
If you cross them, they never want you to have a day of happiness without them.
Even if they “discard” you from their lives, they never want you to be happy again.
In some cases, the narcissist likes to “keep tabs” on their “defective victims”.
This usually happens if the narcissist is likely to encounter this person again: family member, childhood friend, ex-spouse, etc.
The narcissist is always a fan of the latest gossip and spreading toxic behavior in the lives of those who don’t like them.
At times, if the narcissist catches wind that you are moving on and building a happy life, they will pop back into your life!
A letter, text, voicemail, social media message, etc. They will get attention wherever they can get it!
If you truly want to get out of this situation, read the instructions below.
Question: “So how do I move forward?”
If you find yourself in this position, how do you move ahead and pursue a life without the narcissist?
1.) The best way to escape the narcissist is by gong “No Contact”
Absolutely cut off all contact with them! Delete them on social media, block their number, tell family/friends you do not want to hear the latest news about them, and move on!
If you feel guilty about making this decision, please read the article, Why It’s Okay to Cut Toxic Family Members Out of Your Life! (This applies to family and friends)
2.) If you cannot remove the narcissist from your life, learn how to manage them
Perhaps the narcissist is a ex-spouse or family member who you cannot completely cut off.
First, you need to read the article 7 Best Ways to Starve a Narcissist.
This article is NOT about revenge in any way.
It will tell you how to interact with the narcissist, without allowing them to manipulate you and gain narcissistic supply from you.
3.) If necessary, get some professional help or a support group
Encountering a narcissistic person can take a significant toll on your mental and emotional health!
First, you have to come to the realization that the problem doesn’t lie with you.
Secondly, you have to realize that the narcissist will never change.
Thirdly, you have to get off this crazy ride! Get out! Run!
The only thing that will heal you is time and consistency! Once you set your boundaries, never back down.
Perhaps you need to go to therapy! NEVER be ashamed of accepting the fact that you need a therapist.
Professional therapy can do a world of good – and start you on the journey towards mental healing.
As time passes by (and you remain consistent), you will start to think of them and their toxicity less and less.
As you distance yourself from toxic influences, you will notice a HUGE CHANGE in yourself.
You will start to regain your confidence and excitement for life! Despite it all, you can overcome!
- Why It’s Okay to Cut Toxic Family Members Out of Your Life
- What Does The Bible Say About Cutting People Off (Going No Contact)?
- 11 Signs You Are in a Relationship with a Narcissist
- 11 Mental Abuse Tactics to Watch out For
- 7 Best Ways to Starve a Narcissist