How many times have you heard the phrase, “Do you think he is the one?” I’m sure most of us have heard this from friends, classmates, sisters, movies, TV, etc. I used to roll my eyes when I heard people saying this; but one day I found myself asking that exact question. My time had come to obsess over this question. I even googled it and read dozens of articles with long lists of non-negotiable qualities a man must possess. But over time, I realized that my man did not fit into any of the molds these articles provided. He was his own person and grew into my heart all on his own.
Let me make one thing very clear! I was incredibly picky! I did not have a checklist, but my standards were high. I was told by many friends that if I ever wanted to meet someone, I would have to lower my standards and “get real.” As my friends dated and fell in love, I stood to the side rejecting dates and refusing to take their advice. Although I second guessed myself now and again, I am so grateful that I never lowered my standards and ended up marrying a man I honestly didn’t think existed.
Although I am incredibly blessed, my story isn’t rare and one-of-a-kind. Keep your standards high and make an effort to be your best self. I’m not going to make a long list of qualities every man should possess. Although many men think us ladies are complicated, we essentially want the same thing. What I am going to do is list out the reasons I fell in love with my husband. I have a feeling you are going to relate 100%!
Read “Is She the One? 23 Ways I Knew She Was the One” to get a man’s perspective on the same question.
1.) He Made Me Laugh So Hard!
I absolutely love a good laugh! Who doesn’t? When I first met James, he seemed like a really nice guy, but rather quiet. However, on our first date, he was so much fun! He told me stories that had me laughing so hard I was gasping for air. As our relationship progressed, laughter and joy were always at the center of everything. Being together made us happy.
2.) His Personality Was Very Different From Mine
Although some couples are very similar, we were not. And that was one of the reasons that we were attracted to each other! He was calm, soft-spoken, and very calculated. I was spontaneous, risk-taking, and a people-person. Our personalities balanced each other out and allowed for us to enjoy things we never thought we would. Because of me, we went out to more events with friends; because of him, we spent more quiet evening at home enjoying each other’s company. In our case, opposites definitely attracted each other.
3.) He Was A Fantastic Listener
Yes, I was a chatter box and he was a soft-spoken listener. I always had stories to tell him at the end of my day and he happily listened and asked questions. He always told me that my energetic conversation made him happy and alive. I loved that!
4.) His Friends Were Mature, Respectable Adults
It is true – you can tell a lot about a person by the people they associate with. I loved every single one of his friends. I had never experienced that before. I found great security in the fact that these were the guys he allowed to be in his circle of influencers. They were not immature, lazy, stupid punks. They were respectable, mature adults who soon became my friends as well.
5.) Everyone Spoke Highly of Him
Everyone seems to have an opinion of the guy you are dating. In the past, I had always received negative feedback about the guy from someone. But everyone loved James and I received nothing but fantastic feedback about him. “He is the best guy I know” “I have so much respect for him” “Every girl wishes they could date a guy like him” – I heard these compliments over and over again. Each time I heard it, I felt more and more secure in our relationship.
6.) My Parents Loved Him
We had been dating for 6 months before my parents met him. It did not take them long to know he was the perfect guy for me. I loved and respected my parent’s opinion, and I gained a lot of reassurance from their high opinion of him.
7.) He Didn’t Lavish Me With Gifts
OK, I know this one may sound different, but let me explain. Many men feel that they have to shower the girl with gifts and tokens of their love to gain her affection. For us, we wanted our relationship to be built on a foundation that wouldn’t change over time. If he showered me with gifts in the beginning, I would feel disappointed if this behavior declined over time. He didn’t start our relationship by creating false expectations. He treated me perfectly and consistently – and I fell in love with him for it.
8.) He Did Not Give Me Any Reason To Doubt Him
As a cautious girl, I do not trust people easily. Time is the only way to eliminate doubts and build trust. From the very beginning he never acted suspiciously or gave me reason to doubt his word.
9.) He Made Me Feel Protected and Secure
As a young, independent woman, I didn’t feel like I needed anyone to protect me. I made self-defense and safety one of my top priorities. After several frightening experiences in parking lots and out jogging, I realized that as a smaller woman I was at a great disadvantage when it came to protection. James made it his #1 priority to keep me safe – he made sure I was never in a situation that compromised my safety again. Men have this instinctive desire to protect their loved ones, and I have benefited greatly from it!
10.) He Challenged Me
When I asked for his honest advice, he would give it to me. He challenged me to do better, accomplish more, and be the best I could be. He didn’t let me win “just because”, but made me work for my victories. But he would always do so in a kind and thoughtful way. There is a fine line between being a bully and an encourager. He was my biggest encourager!
11.) He Was A Hard Worker
I was raised by a Dad who was an extremely hard worker and impressed on me the importance of having a good work ethic. I thought that was normal until I grew up and saw all the lazy people that existed in our generation. When I met James, I was impressed by his work ethic and big goals for the future. Not only did he have goals, but he was actively pursuing them and accomplishing them.
12.) He Was Wise
He didn’t make important decisions quickly and he was not quick to give his opinion. His actions were always carefully thought out and deliberate. I was an enthusiastic and fast-paced thinker, who was prone to make quick decisions. This was one of my strengths, but could also be a weakness. His wisdom was something that encouraged me to slow down and take some time to think about my next move. Although he was slower than I sometimes liked, his wisdom was one of the things I admired about him the most.
13.) He Was So Handsome
This was an unexpected perk because I honestly never thought I would marry an incredibly handsome man. In my youthful opinion, good looking guys were ALL conceited and self-obsessed. But he proved me wrong! He had it all: looks, athletic ability, intelligence, successful career, kindness, etc. At first, I knew that there had to be something wrong with him. But he had nothing to hide because he was a genuinely good man.
14.) He Was Incredibly Kind
He was a kind and caring man to his family, friends, and me. If there was someone in need, he would anonymously give to them. He treated me with such care and kindness. When we disagreed, his kindness carried through while we talked it through. He never “played dirty” or made me feel stupid or insecure. Although he never wore his heart or emotions on his sleeve, he was one of the most caring and kind men I had ever met.
15.) I Was Always Proud Of Him
In previous relationships, I always found myself being mortified with the other person. Their actions or words were foolish, immature, rude, or thoughtless. I always felt I could do better than be associated with a foolish partner. But with James I was always proud. His careful thoughtfulness and regard for me, along with his accomplishments and character made me so proud to be his.”
16.) He Made Me Feel Beautiful – Always
He never said a negative thing about my appearance – even when I asked him for some constructive criticism. He always built me up and told me I was absolutely beautiful. He made me feel like the most beautiful woman alive, something that every woman wishes to feel!
17.) We Became Best Friends
In the beginning we were good friends, but not best friends. Even though we spent a lot of time together, we still didn’t understand much about each other. But as time went by, we became the best of friends. When we were together, we were in our happy places. We built each other up, helped each other, comforted each other, and were just best buddies. In times when we did not feel the butterflies and intense passion, we were still best friends.
18.) He Was A Leader
He was a natural-born leader – not always assuming or expecting leadership, but being the one who naturally lead people by way of example. In our relationship, we were teammates and equal partners. But I loved that he was always willing to take the lead in a big decision or project. I trusted him because of his selfless and loving track record.
19.) He Didn’t Compare Me With Others
He didn’t compare me with other woman or relationship. He never made me feel insecure in myself or feel like I needed to improve in an area. He constantly reminded me of how perfect I was for him and how no one compared to me. As a woman, this was invaluable to my confidence. I felt so loved and adored!
20.) He Respected Me
He showed respect for my decisions and opinions. He didn’t discourage my choices or make me second guess my preferences. He empowered my independence and improved my confidence in myself. Previously, I had known men who wanted to change my opinions to their own. James was confident enough that we didn’t always have to agree on everything.
21.) We had the same belief system
It was important to me that my future partner and I believe the same thing. Statistically, relationships with two different belief systems almost always suffer. My relationship with God is the most important thing in my life and I wanted a partner who believed the same thing.
22.) He Changed Me
No, he didn’t actively try to change me. I changed by being around him. Several years after we started dating, my sister told me that I was different (in a complimentary way). I had become stronger, more patient, more loving, more acceptant of constructive criticism, and a bit wiser. Although age typically has a maturing affect, I attributed much of this positive change to James. Being with someone you admire is important because they will change you even when you don’t realize it.
23.) He Was Secure In Himself
He was a proud and steady man – not easily influenced by the people around him. Just one of the reasons he was a good leader. He impressed on me the need for self-confidence and not double-guessing oneself. I loved being with a man who knew who he was!
Read “Is She the One? 23 Ways I Knew She Was the One” to get a man’s perspective on the same question.
Choosing the person you will spend your life with is one of the most important and life-changing decisions you will ever make. They will change you in ways you never thought possible – for better or for worse. We have grown together and learned to overcome and avoid many bad habits that ruin relationships.
We dated, got engaged, and married. Choosing him was the best decision of my life. He has taught me so many valuable lessons about life and love. Although we have grown and changed as individuals, he still hasn’t changed from the person that I initially fell in love with. He is still all those things I listed above, except better.
If you have any questions about this article, just let us know in the comment section below! We’d be happy to help you out!
