Do you believe that there is a narcissist in your life?
Perhaps a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, family member, friend, co-worker…
As you are probably aware of, a narcissist is an extremely self-centered and selfish person who believes themselves to be superior to everyone around them.
(Read about it: “What Is a Narcissist? Breaking down What Narcissism Really Is“)
One of the main character qualities of the narcissist is that they are ‘allergic’ to criticism.
Anything that threatens to “burst their self-made fantasy” is met with extreme defensiveness, denial, anger, sulking, blame-shifting, guilt-tripping, insults, spreading rumors, etc.
One of their favorite tactics of manipulation is known as “gas-lighting.”
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, gaslighting is to attempt to make (someone) believe that he or she is going insane (as by subjecting that person to a series of experiences that have no rational explanation).
(Read more: “7 Best Ways to Starve a Narcissist“)
If you feel that you are in a situation where you are being gaslighted, you have come to the right place!
Below are 33 examples of common things that narcissists say when they are trying to gaslight you.
1.) “I’m just kidding!” (After saying something very hurtful and rude.)
2.) “You are way too sensitive! Why do you keep over-reacting?” (Their attempt to make you look like the one with the problem.)
3.) “I NEVER said or did that!” (A narcissist has no problem lying. It is their favorite tool to use when they want to make themselves look like the victim – deny, deny deny.)
4.) “You are being so childish.” (Making you feel foolish about your legitimate concern for their toxic behavior.)
5.) “After everything I’ve done for you!” (Guilt-tripping at it’s finest. A tactic to play on your natural sympathies and guilt you into changing your mind.)
6.) “You made my anxiety and depression so much worse!” (Another guilt-tripping tactic. Their mental health issues are because of you.)
7) “Wow, have you ever changed!” (When you see the narcissist for who they really are, you are the one who has changed for the worse!)
8.) “Did you hear what your friends/family said about you?” (A tactic to drive you apart from someone they don’t like or to make themselves look like a hero.)
9.) “This is YOUR fault. You need to fix this relationship.” (Their way of pushing your estranged relationship problems back on you. It’s never their problem because it’s always your fault.)
10.) “I’m sorry you feel that way.” (Their way of apologizing – without apologizing at all. They aren’t sorry for what they did. They are sorry that you feel the way you do – because they can do no wrong.)
11.) “You are trying to point out my faults. Look at all yours!” (Their way of taking the heat off of them and pointing fingers at you. This is almost always done when you are confronting the narcissist’s toxic behavior.)
12.) “You are the only person who I have problems with. Everyone else loves me!”(Perfect example of their self-made fantasy that everyone loves them and wants to be like them.)
13.) “Wow! You are so jealous and insecure!” (In the narcissist’s mind, everyone is jealous of them – including you. And they want YOU to feel like you are the one with the insecurity problem. In reality, a narcissist’s insecurity is crippling.)
14.) “I have been misunderstood and hurt my whole life.” (When they find themselves in hot water, they often pull the “feel sorry for me” card. They love blaming their current issues on their past. Woe is me! I’m so hurt and misunderstood.)
15.) “Why would you ever do that? That’s a dumb decision!” (They volunteer their opinion when it isn’t asked for ALL THE TIME. When they want you to do something their way, they are more than willing to tell you that you are stupid and that they know best.)
16.) “You need to learn to communicate better.” (Like you are the one with the communication issues. In reality, their communication skills are at ZERO because they only want to talk about themselves 24/7.)
17.) “I use to think you were a good person. I even respected you!” (Manipulation 101! The narcissist is so good at making you feel like you have the problem – like you are the person who has made bad decisions or changed.)
18.) “What do you mean I have no real friends? I have LOTS of friends!” (When you make them aware that their friendships are superficial or nonexistent, they are quick to defend their DOZENS of “friendships”.)
19.) “If you say that about me, no one will believe you. You are a liar!” (Trying to make you doubt yourself when you KNOW you are the one who is correct. They just want you to second-guess your reality.)
20.) “You have always been a disappointment to me.” (Trying to make you feel like a failure. This is usually done when they realize you have them figured out.)
21.) “Why are you bringing up the past? You really can’t let anything go, can you?” (Turning the situation around on you when you give them examples of their toxic behavior.)
22.) “You have major trust issues. You need to work on that.” (When you confront them on something that you uncovered about them. It isn’t what they did that is awful, it is that you went searching for the facts. Trust issues!)
23.) “You need a mental health check. You are acting crazy!” (You have mental health issues if you go against them. It’s always your fault and you’re the crazy one.)
24.) “I never raised my voice and yelled! You are always exaggerating the facts.” (The narcissist is KNOWN for exaggerating all the facts. But they are happy to blame this character trait on you.)
25.) “You love all this drama! Always trying to pick a fight.” (The narcissist gets deep satisfaction from drama – a great source of narcissistic supply. But suddenly you’re the dramatic one when you disagree with them on something.)
26.) “I am done discussing this! This conversation is pointless and it is OVER!” (When they feel trapped in their own web of lies and deceit, they will run. Ending conversations abruptly and walking away is something they do when they know that their manipulation is no longer working on you.)
27.) “This conversation says a lot more about you than it does about me.” (Whatever that means. You’re the one with trust issues. You’re the one with the lying issue. You’re the one placing the blame on others. It’s you, not them.)
28.) “You are the most negative person I know!” (When you tell the narcissist what a toxic person they are, you are the one who is negative! Your feelings aren’t valid to them.)
29.) “I don’t remember doing that! And I remember everything.” (They conveniently can’t “remember” doing certain things when they are accused of toxic things they have done in the past. Deny and lie!)
30.) “And this is how you reward me! Your selfishness is unbelievable!” (It’s always you. You are selfish and thoughtless.)
31.) “Bla bla bla….spiritual talk, verses, and more spiritual talk.” (Narcissists often use the Bible and spirituality to make you feel guilty for confronting them and distancing yourself from them.)
32.) “There must be some difficult things in your past that has made you turn on those who love you the most.” (There is always an explanation for when someone distances themselves from the narcissist. Mental health, insecurity, jealousy…the narcissist always knows you better than you know yourself. *Insert eyeroll*)
33.) “I love you and I’ll never give up on you.” (After you’ve told the narcissist that they can’t be in your life anymore, they suddenly make themselves look like the “good guy” and the “forgiving guy”. It’s all about looking like the “better person”.)
More Articles about Narcissism:
- What Does The Bible Say About Cutting People Off (Going No Contact)
- 7 Best Ways to Starve a Narcissist
- 11 Signs You Are in a Relationship with a Narcissist