“Is she the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with?” This is a question that most men find themselves asking at some point in their life.
Finding the right woman for me was something I genuinely wanted, but saw as a daunting task. I greatly enjoyed hanging out with girls, but my personality was cautious and calculated when it came to “getting into a relationship.” I did not enjoy the dating game because I found myself questioning their actions and motives. I wasn’t just looking for a quick, immature relationship – I was looking for my future wife.
When I first met my wife, I thought she was beautiful and fun. But the “future wife” alarm bells didn’t immediately go off. I had met other attractive women whose immediate charm quickly wore off, so I tended to err on the side of caution. But there was something different about her. Each date and encounter brought me closer and closer to the point where I knew I was going to marry her.
Although men may seem diverse, I have found that we really aren’t that different at their core. Below are some of the reasons (not all-inclusive) that I knew she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. They may seem goofy, weird, or completely unrelatable to you; but she took my heart and changed my life in amazing ways.
Read “Is He the One? 23 Ways I Knew He Was the One” to get a woman’s perspective on the same question.
1.) She laughed at my jokes
I never felt that I was a funny guy, but she genuinely thought I was hilarious. When I cracked a corny joke or said something amusing, she would crack up. I felt like I hit the jackpot – she absolutely got my sense of humor!
2.) I loved how she trusted me
It was a long process to gain her trust. Trust is something all men have to earn over time. But once I earned it – she never doubted me. She didn’t wonder where I was, what I was doing, or doubt my word. We built a strong foundation on honesty and openness – something all successful relationships must have.
3.) She loved me – even when I was stubborn
In moments when I was stubborn and hurtful, and she had every right to walk away, she would always choose a kind response. Her reaction would never escalate the situation, but instead made me see I was wrong.
4.) Her hugs were real and warm
It is hard to explain, but her hugs were the best! When she hugged me, they were real and meaningful. I’d never experienced this before her, but her hugs really made me feel better. Men can be big babies (in a good way).
5.) Her family loved me!
Her Dad was great! Her Mom thought I was perfect for their daughter and her siblings thought I was the coolest. I’m telling you, receiving a warm welcome from my girlfriend’s family meant a lot to me. I didn’t face the shotgun Dad or the overprotective Mom. I was very blessed.
6.) When we were long-distance, she would stay up all night to talk to me
She always made me feel like I was her priority. When distance separated us, our bond only grew stronger. She would let me know that she was thinking of me and our long conversations didn’t stop.
7.) She asked deep questions about who I really was
Her questions were not surface level. She wanted to know who I really was and what I wanted out of life. Our conversations were never filled with needless relationship fluff. We talked about our goals, passions, and expectations. I liked that.
8.) We had the same belief system
It was important to me that my future wife and I believe the same thing. Statistically, relationships with two different belief systems almost always suffer. My relationship with God is the most important thing in my life and I wanted a wife who believed the same thing.
9.) She didn’t have preconceived ideas of what dating should be like
I am Mr. Frugal. I loved the idea of showering my love with unexpected gifts, but I also did not want to start something that I wouldn’t continue my whole life. A lot of men start a relationship showering a girl with gifts and flowers, only for this special treatment to end once they feel they have ‘got the girl’. This isn’t fair treatment and doesn’t create a sustainable relationship. During our dating years, I made sure to surprise her and treat her special because she certainly was (and still is). We had special date nights, I bought her flowers, we went away on fun trips, etc. But I never felt that I had to meet any preconceived dating ideas. We could spend date nights at home, cooking a meal together and we were both happy. I loved that.
10.) She was a 12-star knockout!
When she walked into a room, every head turned. She was absolutely beautiful! I never knew someone could look like that and be one of the kindest and sweetest people you have ever met. Although all men have different perceptions of beauty, one thing remains the same: a woman who is externally attractive, but internally ugly and hateful is never truly beautiful. This applies to both men and woman – beauty is shown from the inside out. A healthy relationship will not grow with a core of bitterness and jealousy.
11.) I never got tired of seeing her
With my relationships before her, I always got tired of hanging out with the girls. I felt like I needed time away from them on a daily basis. But not with Caroline – we enjoyed time with our friends, but we always looked forward to being back together. Over time, she became my best friend and confidant. Spending time with her was a joy and always brought happiness and comfort.
12.) She wasn’t a back-seat driver
I grew up with a Mom who was a chronic back-seat driver. It drove me crazy! My girlfriend completely trusted my driving. She didn’t constantly make me aware that the light had turned red, that a stop-sign was coming up, or I needed to speed up/slow down. I never drove dangerously and she knew that. Two thumbs up!
13.) She loved to cook
She loved cooking and liked to surprise me with special homemade meals. The thing is I enjoyed cooking too, so we were the perfect team. I loved getting a call on my way home from work that she was bringing over a crockpot meal – that was the best!
14.) She loved her Dad and spoke very highly of him
Whether they are true or not, there are many sayings about how a boy treats his mother and a girl treats her father. Caroline had a huge amount of respect for her Dad. I know some parents do not deserve respect, but she was raised by two great people. Seeing the way she admired them and spoke highly of them, I knew she was appreciative of the important things in life.
15.) She never spoke negatively about me in front of others
Regardless of how she felt, she never spoke negatively about me. If she disagreed with something I said, she would not confront me in front of other people. She respected me enough to do it in private. I never felt belittled or disrespected – one of the things I admired about her the most. We both respected each other in this way, something that has deepened our relationship and brought an immeasurable amount of trust and love. Petty arguments and belittling in front of others can cause hurt and bitterness in a relationship.
16.) I always felt respected
As I stated before, I always felt respected by her. I know this is important to both men and woman, but to a man – this is the MOST important thing in a relationship. Respect isn’t something you deserve; it absolutely has to be earned over time and by proving yourself worthy of it. Even when we disagreed, she didn’t belittle me or disregard my opinion. We respected each other’s boundaries, opinions, and needs. The value of her respect for me was immeasurable.
17.) She always bragged about me
OK, I have the stereotypical man-ego! I love to know when I am doing something right and she indulged me. She always made me feel like THE MAN! I would hear her talking to her friends about how amazing I was or she would interject on one of my conversations to tell my brother how great I was at something. She made my head so big and my chest swell with pride. I knew she always had my back – she was my teammate.
18.) She always dressed classy! I loved that!
She looked like million bucks! Whether we were going to a formal event or the movie theater, she always looked classy. I was always so proud to walk with her and call her mine. (She also looked great with her hair in a ponytail and sweatpants – one of my favorites!)
19.) She was so kind to other people
One of my first memories of her was seeing her spending time with a group of autistic students. She always made a point to make them feel special and included – and they loved her. This kindness followed her in her relationships with her family, friends, career, and me. Kindness was a nonnegotiable character quality I wanted in a wife, and she certainly had it!
20.) She was forgiving
Let’s be honest, sometimes I could be a real jerk to her! I would say something mean or treat her in a hurtful manner. But when I would come back and apologize, she would always forgive me. One of the most harmful things a person can do in life is hold on to bitterness. Her forgiveness has made me a much better and caring man. She is my biggest influencer.
21.) She was very independent
In our relationship, I wanted to feel needed and important (as all people do). But I LOVED that she knew her own mind and what she wanted. We valued each other’s opinions, but she had her own passions and ideas…and I didn’t try to change that. Her independence was very attractive!
22.) She had spunk and charisma
When circumstances were unfair, she stood up for herself and others. She wasn’t the person who sat in the shadows and watched bigoted treatment happen. She would choose her words and actions wisely, but she was not one to be walked over. I wanted a life’s partner who could stick up for herself. I loved her spunk!
23.) She was fiercely loyal to me
From Day #1 of our relationship, she was 100% all-in. I never doubted her loyalty or love for me. She was beautiful and received plenty of attention from other men, but it did not phase her one bit. She only had eyes for me and she made sure everyone knew it.
Read “Is He the One? 23 Ways I Knew He Was the One” to get a woman’s perspective on the same question.
Choosing the person you will spend your life with is one of the most important and life-changing decisions you will ever make. They will change you in ways you never thought possible – for better or for worse. We have grown together and learned to overcome and avoid many bad habits that ruin relationships.
We dated, got engaged, and married. Choosing her was the best decision of my life. She has taught me so many valuable lessons about life and love. Although we have grown and changed as individuals, she still hasn’t changed from the person that I initially fell in love with. She is still all those things I listed above, except better.
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