Have you ever been scrolling through social media and seen a beautiful, romantic picture or a status about someone’s perfect partner and thought, “I wish my life was more like that!”? #RelationshipGoals While it may seem like an innocent passing thought, this comparison game can actually be damaging to your relationship and perspective on life.
Below are 7 reasons why #RelationshipGoals can take their toll on your love life.
1.) Social Media usually shows the highlights
Typically, people put their best face forward on their social media accounts. (I know I don’t ever post unflattering or boring pictures about my life). When you are scrolling through Instagram, you don’t see pictures of their bitter arguments. You don’t see the dirty kitchen that their partner won’t help them clean. You don’t see the countless hours their partner chooses video games over them. All you ever see is the romantic gestures, flowers, engagements, staged kisses, and laughter – the highlights. The happiest memories! Those are the moments most people choose to share with you.
When you start to compare your relationship to the moments you see on social media, you are forgetting that their life is probably much more like yours than you are lead to believe. However, all you are able to see is a lovely momentary glimpse of their imperfect relationship – just like yours!
2.) Behind those posts is often a hurting person
I cannot tell you how many of my friends who are in a difficult relationship often fill their social media accounts with ooey-gooey romantic sentiments. They are doing this to help convince themselves that their relationship is a healthy and happy success. The likes and comments can be very validating, helping to boost their self-esteem.
This article suggests that couples who post a lot on social media tend to be insecure. I always think of one of my friends who receives a huge bouquet of flowers every time her husband deeply hurts her (which is often). To her, flowers signify insecurity, pain, tears, and an unfaithful husband. However, she posts pictures of them on social media to show how affectionate her husband is! Most of her social media following does not know this fact and are lead to believe that her husband is deeply romantic, constantly showering her with gifts.
Although some Instagram couples may be genuinely happy, don’t put too much stock in the fact that their relationship is perfect and worth #RelationshipGoals. They may be a deeply hurting person hiding behind a lovely picture of their partner’s latest gift.
3.) No two relationships are alike
You are not dating or married to their partner! Every person is different and deals with their relationship in a different way. Chances are you fell in love with your partner for different reasons than they did – because you are a completely different person. Of course, most of us love gifts, romance, and quality time. But we each “tick” in our own specific way.
One thing that significantly helped my spouse and I was reading by Gary Chapman and learning each other’s love language. There are 5 different love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Take this test and find out what your love language(s) is! Better yet, and learn the incredible importance of knowing what makes your partner feel happy and satisfied in your the relationship.
4.) It makes you focus on the things your partner IS NOT doing
When you start adding #RelationshipGoals to people’s social media posts, you start to focus on all the things that your partner isn’t doing! (At least I use to do that). I would look at the flowers my friends were receiving, the constant romantic dates, the dreamy Facebook statuses, and the drop-dead gorgeous profile pictures! I would think, “WOW, I would love some more of that in my life.” However, idolizing someone else’s relationship made me forget all the wonderful things my husband DID do.
As a financial and investment consultant, he brought financial awareness (and a budget) into our marriage. We rarely go out on expensive dates and I do not receive pricy gifts – he has never been that way and I don’t expect that of him. However, he goes above and beyond in other areas. He has an incredible work ethic, he is 100% trustworthy, he is always supportive of me, he always does chores around the house, and he is a genuinely fun person to be around. Because we value quality time and memories over “monetary stuff”, we have been able to invest and save for retirement in a way that most people decades older than us don’t have.
Focus on what your partner is doing right! And if you are unhappy, communicate! This is one of the other bad habits that ruin relationships.
5.) Your partner will feel compared and unappreciated
If you start comparing your relationship to what you see on social media, your relationship expectations will change! Instead of appreciating the person you fell in love with, you may start to show subtle signs of dissatisfaction. Often, this feeling will turn into nagging arguments over what is expected from each other. DON’T FALL FOR THIS TRAP! Talk it through and let each other know what your “needs” are in the relationship. Don’t base them off of what others are receiving or the posts you see on social media. When you are looking around at what others have, you will stop noticing the amazing qualities of person that is standing right in front of you.
In the end, true love can never be shown on social media. Real-life romance happens in the quiet, spontaneous moments of life. Take some time to appreciate the uniqueness that the two of you bring to your relationship. Loyalty, trust, and forgiveness are three “real love” qualities that can never be shown in a picture.
If you have any questions about this article, just let us know in the comment section below! We’d be happy to help you out!
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