“What is wrong with me?”
“What did I do to deserve this?”
If you have a narcissist in your life, you have probably found yourself asking these two questions over and over again!
The fact is, it isn’t you at all. And it will take time and effort for you to realize that.
Narcissism is a personality disorder that is characterized by an excessive need for attention and admiration from others.
By nature, a narcissist doesn’t care about anyone but themselves.
(Read this article for a list of narcissistic character traits.)
The nature of narcissism is cruel because they can act so AMAZING in the beginning. (This is called love-bombing.)
But over time, they always show their true colors.
The mask gets ripped off! What first appeared to be good character qualities turns to total self-obsession.
The red flags usually start showing in things that they say to you.
Cruel comments, masked with a laugh or a quick “Just kidding!”
However, their words are intentional and they have a purpose. (Read about it here).
Below are 15 catch phrases that narcissists use on their victims.
1.) “You’re lying! I never said that!”
If you try to confront a narcissist on something hurtful that they said, they will immediately deny it!
Why? Because they cannot look bad in front of others and they cannot place blame on themselves.
They have no problem with lying – if it makes them look like the victim!
They LOVE to look like the innocent victim who’s good character is being smeared for no reason.
The problem with this is that NORMAL people tend to question themselves when someone blatantly denies their allegations.
They want their conscience to be clear.
“Wait, am I wrong? Did they really say that? Am I taking it out of context?”
However, it won’t take very long for you to realize that this tactic is regularly used by the narcissist.
You might even feel like you need to record all your conversations, so you can prove to them that they are bold-faced liars.
However, their behavior is never going to change – even if they are caught in their own web of lies.
They feel no remorse for what they have done and they will always find a way to shift the blame elsewhere.
2.) “Wow! You’re priorities have changed. You’ve changed so much!”
A narcissist HATES being figured out.
When they realize that they can’t use you anymore, they accuse you of being the “bad guy”.
“You aren’t the person I thought you were.”
“I had so much respect for you before this.”
“You have changed so much. I don’t even know who you are anymore!”
If this is said to you, take it as a compliment!
This means that you have stood up for yourself and enforced that their behavior is not acceptable.
In their mind, they are supposed to be your priority. You exist to make them feel good about themselves.
If you confront their toxic behavior, you’re the one with the problem!
Related Article: Why It’s Okay to Cut Toxic Family Members Out of Your Life
3.) “I’m sorry you feel this way.”
“I’m sorry that you got offended.”
“Sorry, but that’s just the way I am.”
If the narcissist apologizes, it isn’t an apology!
Their apologies come in the form of sarcasm, putting the blame on you, or actually lying to get you back into their life.
The goal of any “apology” is to make the argument go away, so they can continue using you as a source of narcissistic supply.
They aren’t sorry for what they did. They’re sorry that they got caught!
Your opinions and emotions don’t matter to them because they aren’t valid.
All that matters is how the circumstances affect THEMSELVES.
4.) “Look at everything I’ve done for you! Everything you have is because of me!”
Guilt-tripping is an art-form to the narcissist.
It’s a favorite tactic for them to use when someone is confronting them or distancing themselves from them.
The unfortunate thing is, it is a very successful tactic!
Why? Because it plays on the emotions and kindness of normal human beings.
Whether the narcissist is a spouse, friend, parent, or child – they will find a way to blame you for being selfish and ungrateful.
“I did everything for you growing up! Look how you repay me now.”
“You ungrateful person! I made you who you are and now you leave?!”
“I’ve always been there for you. And this is the thanks that I get?”
Unfortunately for the narcissist, no amount of good deeds can cover up the habits of a toxic, jealous, narcissistic person.
In fact, this tactic exposes who they really are! It shows that everything they did for you was not done out of a heart of unconditional love.
It was all done for a purpose. And that purpose was to make you indebted and dependent on them in some way.
5.) “You’re trying to point out my faults. What about all of yours!”
CLASSIC narc move!
They are trying to take the blame off of themselves and put it on you.
If you are in a group setting confronting their behavior, this tactic might work because they can try to character assassinate you in front of other people – and make you look like the awful person.
The narcissist will do anything it takes to get the uncomfortable situation to go away.
They will “rabbit trail” conversations and talk about all the good things they have done – instead of accepting fault for the bad things.
Anything to keep up the facade!
Related Article: 7 Types of Toxic People to Eliminate from Your Life
6.) “You’re affecting my mental and physical health!”
Once again with the emotional manipulation!
Your “figuring the out” or trying to distance yourself from their toxic behavior is effecting their health!
“Stop! You’re making my anxiety worse!”
“I am on depression mediation, thanks to you!”
“I think I might have a disease. How can you leave me now?”
Sometimes, they talk about dying! They’ll say things like, “I might only have 5 years left on this earth. And you don’t want me in your life?”
The answer to that question is “Correct! I don’t want your manipulation in my life.”
If you are family, you can say, “I will make sure you are properly cared for and I will visit, but there is no place for your toxic behavior in our relationship.”
They’ll say anything to make you feel guilty for standing up for what you know is right.
Related Article: Why It’s Okay to Cut Toxic Family Members Out of Your Life
7.) “You’re the only person I have these problems with. Everyone else loves me!”
In their own minds, people adore them!
Often, they’re incapable of seeing reality for what it truly is.
People might really like them, but then they figure them out – and the narcissist is always left alone in the end.
Any relationships that they can maintain are with people who are emotionally weak, dependent on them, or have a distant relationship with them.
The closer they get to someone, the more toxic things become!
Sadly, they will say or do anything to avoid acknowledging that they lack self-confidence and have crippling insecurity issues.
Keeping up the facade is very very important to them.
This is why it is YOUR FAULT! Everyone loves them but you.
And they have “no idea” why you are bitter or jealous at them. In reality, you just want them to acknowledge their toxic behavior and change.
Unfortunately, this is almost impossible.
Related Article: 11 Signs He’s Not Your Soulmate
8.) “Wow! You’re overreacting! Why so sensitive?”
“You always twist my words and overreact!”
In reality, the narcissist meant exactly what they said and they’re glad that you caught that.
But they can’t take the fall for it.
So, they’re going to make you second-guess yourself and feel like you might be a little bit crazy!
They’re goal is to emotionally invalidate you, so you’ll stay compliant to their goals and wishes.
They want you to continue to rationalize and minimize their toxic behavior, so you can continue to be a prime source of narcissistic supply!
Related Article: 7 Types of Toxic People to Eliminate from Your Life
9.) “You Know that I Know More About this Than You. I know better.”
They will always have more experience than you.
They will know more important people than you do.
Your opinion doesn’t matter because there’s is always more valuable.
If you have a narcissist in your life, you’d better get use to this behavior!
They will always be the subject-matter-expert when it comes to every topic of conversation.
And if they feel ill-equipped to talk about something, they’ll change the subject to something they know about.
When someone changes the conversation, the narcissist is quick to interrupt (even mid-sentence), so they can turn the attention back onto themselves.
Their conversation is full of the words “I”, “my”, and “me”!
In some ways, their actions seem childish. They are actually annoyed by people’s desire to have an equal, two-way conversation.
Unfortunately, this character quality drives people away from them very quickly.
Related Article: What Is a Narcissist? Breaking down What Narcissism Really Is
10.) “You are so jealous and insecure!”
The narcissist loves to triangulate relationships!
They’ll even create a situation where they make someone feel like they don’t have their full attention because someone else is replacing them in their lives.
When you ask them why you are hurting them so badly, they’ll accuse you of being jealous, selfish, and insecure!
They’ll do this to their romantic partner, child, or other family members.
The goal is to make the other person jealous, so they’ll do whatever it takes to keep the relationship alive.
The more diminished and replaceable you feel, the less likely you are to leave their toxic grasp.
Related Article: 9 Things Confident Women Do Differently In Relationships
11.) “I have been misunderstood and hurt my whole life!”
Some of this might actually be true!
Many narcissists do have difficult childhoods and bad memories from their past.
But they will always use this as an excuse for their toxic behavior.
When you bring up something they have done wrong, they’ll talk about the impact that their difficult past has on their current situation.
Then you’ll feel guilty for reminding them of the difficulty they have faced in life.
Their point would be valid if they didn’t over-use it as an excuse to get away with manipulation and destructive behavior.
Related Article: 5 Signs Your Relationship Is Absolutely Toxic
12.) “Why would you do that? That’s a dumb decision?”
They’re opinion is all you need!
They say “Jump!” and you say, “How high?”
That’s how they want your relationship to work.
Once they get to know you, they volunteer their opinion without being asked.
They truly believe that their opinion is welcomed and necessary in your life.
Whether they decide to compliment or insult you, you need to take it with a “Thank-you! That’s exactly what I needed to hear.”
Often, they’ll ask follow-up questions that invade your privacy.
“How much are you earning?”
“How is this part of your marriage going?”
If you don’t answer the way they want, they will get offended – and you’ll pay for it.
Related Article: 11 Signs You Have a Toxic Parent
13.) …nothing at all
Another favorite tactic of the narcissist is the “Silent Treatment”!
Usually, the purpose of this behavior is to teach you a lesson!
The narcissist wants you to know that they can easily live without you and that they don’t care how you feel.
The silent treatment is to place them in a position of control, where you cannot criticize or confront them.
Their goal is for you to come back to them and plead for a reinstated relationship. When this is done, they will demand an apology and ensure that you know that problem completely lies with you.
If this happens to you, take the opportunity to run!
Just know that when the narcissist realizes that you are completely fine with the silent treatment and are actually thriving without them, they may become even more toxic. They hate being ignored!
The narcissist has the emotional maturity of a small child and is toxic to have in your life.
Related Articles:
- Why It’s Okay to Cut Toxic Family Members Out of Your Life
- What Does The Bible Say About Cutting People Off (Going No Contact)?
- 11 Signs You Are in a Relationship with a Narcissist
- What Is a Narcissist? Breaking down What Narcissism Really Is
Wow so so right your 13 statements are so correct
I just finally finished with a female 60 year old Narcissist.
I enjoured 2 . 5 yrs broke with her enough times to know she would never stop telling lies upon lies and never took any responsibility for her action
Even accusing me of alleged assault and got arrested, lucky for me the detective dropped the charges but had a nightmare 7hour ordeal. This happened 4 weeks after we finally split
I think her mental state is also in need of looking at