Narcissism is a personality disorder that is characterized by an excessive need for attention and admiration from others. By nature, a narcissist doesn’t care about anyone but themselves.
However, they know how to make a fantastic first impression! This is probably the reason you fell in love with one.
When you first met, they seemed so nice! They were fun, conversational, and even seemed generous and compassionate!
Then something changed. You started to see a side of them that you didn’t like.
Their good qualities seemed to turn to self-obsession – no longer caring about what you thought or felt.
Now, you are wondering what happened and how they changed so much? Is there something wrong with you?
Below are 11 signs that you are in a relationship with someone with a narcissistic personality disorder.
1.) They Only Want To Talk About Themselves
When you talk to most people, the conversation is a two-way street. You each share your experiences and opinions.
With a narcissist, this never happens.
If you start talking about yourself, the conversation will quickly get turned back to focusing on them. The narcissist always feels like they need to be center of attention – even with you.
Their conversation is full of the words “I”, “my”, and “me”!
When someone changes the conversation, the narcissist is quick to interrupt (even mid-sentence), so they can turn the attention back onto themselves.
If someone talks about a great achievement, the narcissist has always done something even better. If someone is grieving the loss of something that was meaningful to them, the narcissist knows exactly what they feel like because they have been through the exact same thing – except worse.
When you are talking to them about your day, do you notice that they become impatient or restless? This is because they are not interested one bit! They are actually annoyed by your desire to have a two-way conversation.
The problem is, sooner than later, everyone begins to realize that the narcissist is completely self-absorbed. People slowly start to distance themselves, leaving the narcissist on their own golden pederast with no-one to admire them.
2.) They Are Skilled Manipulators
Do you constantly feel guilty or inadequate?
The narcissist is a skilled manipulator, who uses guilt to hijack your emotions.
If you disagree with them, they will turn the situation around on you and make you feel remorseful for something that was never your fault in the first place!
This tactic is called “gas-lighting” – something narcissists are known for.
Gas-lighting is “a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in the minds of victim, making hem question their own memory, perception, and sanity.”
This is a tactic that comes very easily to the narcissist. They can come up with a manipulative lie in a split second and feel completely unremorseful.
You will see them use this tactic on their family, friends, and anyone else who is close to them.
Their goal is to do whatever it takes to hide their inadequacies and make themselves look like a victim or a hero – whichever roll suits their needs.
Related Article: 11 Signs You Are Way Too Good for Someone
3.) They Need to Control Everything
Narcissists feel the need to control the perceptions of everyone around them.
One of their best-known tactics is the “He said/She said” game.
“You may think that Sarah is a true friend, but you should hear what she said about you.”
“Well, did you hear what Mike told your brother about your new job?”
If the narcissist doesn’t like someone, they will spread rumors and divide friendships. This way, they can look like the “hero” who saved you from a damaging relationship.
This tactic helps create “sidekicks” who become their informers and help spread their rumors and feed them with juicy gossip.
In your relationship, they slowly but surely conduct a “takeover”.
If they don’t like your friends, they will insist that you lose them. If they don’t like your driving, they will insist that you always sit in the passenger seat. They may even insinuate that they don’t trust you, so they need to constantly have access to your social media accounts and electronic devices.
They want to be in control, so they demand that you allow them to have that “right”.
To you, this may sound like a well-designed plan. Something that takes the narcissist a lot of time to construct.
However, this entitled, controlling, manipulative behavior is what they are good at!
Related Article: 9 Warning Signs That You Are Emotionally and Mentally Exhausted
4.) They Are Entitled and Don’t Mind Taking Advantage of Others
If the narcissist wants something, they will get what they want – even if they have to take advantage of someone!
They justify this entitled behavior because they feel that they “deserve” it and have earned it.
In a relationship, the narcissist may complain about their responsibilities and how they deserve so much better. If they are given additional responsibilities, they will try to pawn it off on someone who “should” have been given the responsibility in the first place.
If the narcissist is extremely cheap/overly frugal, they may be known for their excessive bargaining skills – to the point where they will cheat, harass, or manipulate their way to the lowest price possible.
They are known for always complaining about never receiving enough money, support, promotions, love, and attention.
Their selfishness is displayed by their ability to take advantage of those closest to them – their parents, partner, children, etc
As their partner, you will be able to identify all the areas that they readily take advantage of others.
Related Article: 7 Steps to Successfully Remove Toxic People from Your Life
5.) They Like To Make Everything Look Perfect
Look out, social media! The narcissist is going to post about their perfect life – even if it is the opposite.
Perhaps they are obsessed with taking the perfect photo or posting about their amazing lifestyle.
As their partner, you have to fit in with their plan! You are a part of their self-image and you need to be 100% onboard with helping them project perfection!
The narcissist often insists that you act a certain way because they do not see you as your own person. They see you as an extension of themselves – the person they have chosen to represent them as their romantic interest.
6.) …or they make themselves look like the unfortunate victim
If the narcissist gets caught in their own web of lies and manipulation, they are quick to make themselves look like the victim!
If the narcissist feels like people are distancing themselves or moving on with their lives, they will project an image of disappointment, grief, and pain.
Their social media page will turn into a self-inflicted pity party, where they will tell the world about the pain they are going through.
And whose fault is it? Never their own! Blame will always be put on their “selfish” partner, family, or friends.
The narcissist wants everyone to know that their perfect life has been hijacked, despite their constant selflessness, generosity, and love.
7.) They Constantly Overstep Boundaries
Boundaries? What are those?
Because of their self-entitled disposition, the narcissist believes that they deserve to have access to everything – what you are thinking and what you are doing.
Without any remorse, they will ask you the most personal questions about yourself – even before they know you very well.
What is your salary? Do you have an interesting past? Do you have any secrets? What are your insecurities?
You may think that they are actually interested in you, for once in your relationship! But they are actually only asking questions and listening to you, so they can gain information about you.
To narcissists, knowledge is power. They don’t find out details about you, so that they can keep them secret or help you out.
They want to know all the nitty-gritty details, so that they can have “dirt” on you. This information will be used against you if you ever decide to cross them or distance yourself from them.
If you insist on not letting them into a part of your life or decline to answer their question, they will act insulted.
If you set up a boundary in your life and ask them not to cross it, they most certainly will cross it – just to show you that they can!
The narcissist will go to any length to figure out information about you – whether that takes pouting, demanding, constant persistence, mockery, or ignoring.
Related Article: 9 Signs You Can’t Trust Your Partner
8.) Nothing is Ever Their Fault
“It isn’t my fault! It is your fault!”
If you confront a narcissist with an issue (big or small), they will always point fingers and shift responsibility onto someone else.
They will act incredibly insulted and may project anger and rage!
“How dare you think that way!”
Once again, you must realize that they only care about themselves. If you have a complaint about them, that means that you are trying to destroy their perfect self-image.
Immediately, they will victimize themselves, pointing out how you are ganging up on them.
Perhaps they will blame their actions on a recent life event or a health problem. Blame can never be put on them!
Why is this? Because they are incredibly insecure.
Behind their self-righteous, confident mask lies a fragile self-esteem that is 100% opposed to any form of criticism.
Nothing can change this! No amount of loving words, kindness, or sincere concern will help the narcissist see their own inadequacy.
Related Article: 10 Lifestyle Choices That are Ruining Your Happiness
9.) They are Envious of Others
The narcissist cannot accept that anyone is better than themselves.
In their own heads, they are always comparing themselves to others. If someone upstages them, they become incredibly jealous.
It is difficult for them to celebrate someone else’s successes and accomplishments because they are already looking for a way to one-up them!
If someone close to them (perhaps a child or a family member) accomplishes something great, they will often take responsibility for the achievement.
“I taught them everything they know!”
“They got their skills from me! If it wasn’t for me, they wouldn’t have accomplished this.”
If they aren’t the center of attention, they believe that they are not receiving the recognition that they DESERVE.
They will either sulk in a corner, take responsibility for the accomplishment, or leave in a cloud of envy.
Related Article: 11 Bad Habits That Ruin Relationships
10.) They Love To Give Unsolicited Advice
Even if you didn’t ask for it, the narcissist will always give you their opinion!
Because, naturally, their opinion is the most important piece of information you could ever be given.
They will always know how to solve your problems and improve personal areas of your life.
They are quick to insult your life choices and impose on you their plan for your life.
As stated before, they believe that their opinion is valuable – and they have an opinion about EVERYTHING! Hence, they tend to give a lot of unsolicited advice.
11.) They Twist your Words
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you will often find yourself saying or thinking, “I never said that!”
When you have a disagreement, the narcissist will twist your words to make you second-guess yourself or look like the person who is selfish.
They will insist that they are correct, like your opinion doesn’t even matter.
If you insist that you are correct, they will give you the silent treatment, become incredibly insulting, or launch a smear campaign against you – also known as “character assassination”.
This is when the narcissist starts spreading false rumors about you, telling others things that you said about them and twisted facts about you.
This way, they will turn people against you, making you feel alienated and (hopefully) remorseful for your decision to cross them.
You are not your own person, with your own set of opinions. You are an extension of the person you are in a relationship with.
If you want your relationship to remain “peaceful”, everything has to go the narcissists way. Your role in the relationship is to agree with them, smile, and wave!
Related Article: 10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Significant Other
Final Thoughts:
If you try to distance yourself from a narcissist, they may respond in several different ways.
You may hear them say, “Look at everything I have done for you! How dare you!”
With this tactic, they are playing on your sympathy and kindness, while insulting you at the same time. (Like you wouldn’t be where you are without them.)
You may also hear, “I’m sorry! I will change!”
The fact is, they won’t! 99.9% of the time, narcissists don’t change.
It is a personality disorder that is part of who they are – permanently. If you plan on staying with them, you will need to get therapy to learn how to live with them and work with who they are.
However, the chances of them recognizing that they are a narcissist are incredibly slim.
Related Article: 7 Steps to Successfully Remove Toxic People from Your Life
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist and plan on staying with them, you will need to get use to a life of guilt, self-sacrifice, shame for your partners selfish behavior, and blind support for their decisions.
A successful relationship with a narcissist is impossible because the relationship will never be built on mutual respect and love. You will simply exist to meet their self-absorbed needs and plans.
If you find yourself agreeing with the 11 signs above, you should probably get a therapist and start distancing yourself from this toxic individual.
If you have any questions about this article, just let us know in the comment section below! We’d be happy to help you out!
Wow, this is so informative and insightful.
Thank-you, Mimi! 🙂 I’m glad you found it insightful.
Thank you so much! After reading what you wrote about narcissistic behavior, I finally understand why I’ve become an insecure, unhappy, withdrawn, angry person. I’m so miserable and lonely that I’ve even thought of suicide. I believe that you probably saved my life. Can’t help wondering how I could have been so stupid and let myself be manipulated by someone who checks every box as a h the beach) and have re-connected with my old group of friends. It’s heavenly!
Thanks again for giving me back my life.
Hello Carole! I LOVE reading comments like yours! <3 I am so glad that you were able to connect some dots! I cannot imagine living with someone who changes who you are in such a devastating way. You are a strong person - just to be able to identify this and find a way through! If you are looking for some additional information, go to YouTube and watch some of the videos by Dr. Ramani. She is an expert on the narcissistic personality disorder. Stay strong and make sure you stay very close with your supportive group of friends! I also know that it is so helpful to see a therapist who specializes in helping people heal from narcissistic abuse. I wish you all the best! Take care - Caroline
I’m causing problems in my life and relationships. I fit the mold for a narcissist that you laid out. Any advice for someone like me? I don’t want to do what I’m doing, yet I am. I’m ruining everything for the people I love. I’m lost, and everything that I find in the internet about me, is how-tos on how to get away from me, or how to cut this toxic person from your life. Ha, look at m e being a victim. I just need a nudge inn the right direction. If you have any advice, I would appreciate the help. Thanks
Hello Jim! The first step in the right direction is acknowledging that you have some destructive tendencies (relationship-wise).
I understand what you mean 100% – when you say that most of the information about narcissism is for people who have to deal with a narcissist in their life. The main reason for this is that VERY RARELY do narcissists acknowledge who they are and try to seek real and genuine help for their NPD (narcissistic personality disorder).
The most important advice I can give you is to go see a professional counselor and therapist who has experience with NPD.
NEVER be ashamed or hesitant to see a professional therapist. A good therapist can help you more than you will ever know!
You can do a simple google search for a counselor/therapist in your area. Their online profile will tell what they specialize in – whether that is family issues, relationship problems, stress, anxiety, etc. (Again, try to find a therapist that is familiar with Narcissistic Personality disorder.)
Also, if you have health insurance, check and see if they offer several free therapy visits every year. Many insurance companies now cover therapy sessions as preventative care.
I wish you all the best as you try to find the best way to heal relationships and improve yourself. -Caroline
I have a 100% narcissistic daughter. I’m at a total loss. I can not rid my life of her or my innocent grandchildren. Please help me.